All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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