If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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