thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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