Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
