I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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