well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
