dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
