The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
