Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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