I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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