I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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