Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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