Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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