Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
wow bdsm is so cute
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