no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
