You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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