WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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