What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
