Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
