I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
