38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
