JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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