I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
