You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
