She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I skipped work to stalk him.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
