im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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