I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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