I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Fuck appropriateness.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
