I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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