haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
