So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
