i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
