Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize