Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
