look no pants
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The power of my boobs compel you
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
