I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
