How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
