please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize