She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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