Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
