so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
