well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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