Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
