I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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