You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
