dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
