You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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