You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
