I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just google imaged poop.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize