Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
