you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
