explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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