oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
