you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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