he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize