hotel room ftw
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
