I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize