man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
this is an emotional support booty call
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
