Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
