I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
