so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
last night I used snow as a chaser
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
