What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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