im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
