Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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