Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize