so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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