Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
