i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
