Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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