it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize